In the cold light of morning, I must admit that things look rather different.
My mood has lifted and things do not seem so bleak after all, so that must be a good thing right?
It comes as no small comfort that I can now turn on my TV or Radio and it appears the world is moving on to other things. Apart from the odd programme in Wales flashing images of a few ghosts from the past, all in all, things seem all quiet on the Northern front.
I do not read the Newspapers, so that has never been an issue in my case, as like many people nowadays, any news which is even vaguely reported with any degree of accuracy, comes via the Internet.
The Mainstream Media as a whole, seems to delight in stories of illicit and lurid tales of sex, death, destruction and misery, the more distasteful the better, and although essential to some, is not what I enjoy over my breakfast table.
I view Television as a tool only, it used to keep my children entertained when they were small, so I could get things done, and, as every parent will understand, that is worth the licence fee alone.
We have moved on from when events, both here and abroad were relayed to us via printed medium and the flickering tube in the corner of the room to give us some insight into other people’s lives and loves.
Personally, I have never felt comfortable with voyeurism, and as I recently told a new-found friend on the phone, “Once seen, things cannot be unseen” and a great deal remains with you.
In many ways, some of the things I have seen have had a deeper effect on me than if they had actually happened to me. I feel that in some cases, being a witness to an act can, sometimes, be as traumatic and painful as being the victim of that act, and the mental effects of which can remain so much longer.
There is a saying that goes along the lines of ‘The Eyes Are The Mirror Of The Soul ?’
If that is really the case, then maybe my soul is damned for eternity.
If that is true, then so be it.
I make no apologies for who I am, and I am too old to change in order to suit others, but if I am a certain way because of a series of events that happened over thirty or more years ago, is that really my fault ?
If I am a product of a system, or a regime that forced me to become what I am now, should I be blamed for that?
We are the products of our environment, and from childhood, we learn our behaviour and sometimes have to look to others for those important lessons.